How to Ask someone's Forgiveness for mistake(s)

There is an old saying, “To err is human,to forgive is divine.” Everyone on earth knows and admits that no one is perfect. No one could be living a life without any error in speaking or in doing we more or less make mistake(s) that could hurt the second person. With our conscience we too have a bad feeling if we hurt somebody by our misdeed. If we intentionally hurt someone there is no reason why we should ask for some forgiveness. But we hurt someone un-intentionally we would ask for some forgiveness.

Although there could not be a definite art of how to ask forgiveness, I personally believe that we can learn. We can develop. Although we cannot take the art of asking for forgiveness for granted to keep on hurting people knowing that he would be easily pleased if forgiveness is asked, no one should manipulate it that way. Those who grew up with a family that maintain decent values of life might do better in some way but that does not give a guarantee in the process of asking for forgiveness. The reason is that the likes and dislikes of every one on earth is different another kind of human being.

Regardless of the person, whom we intend to ask for forgiveness, we can still apply the same principle in general. Since the art of asking forgiveness is not like “fire extinguisher” that will instantly quench the flame, it has to go as a process. Perhaps, the more serious is the mistake, the longer process it would be.

Be optimistic: Before making any approach, the first thing one can prepare is to be optimistic. This is a very basic stage and yet the most important one. In order to receive a forgiveness from someone, one must envision the stage of the already being of forgiven. That would control the entire process of asking forgiveness. One should not think that “I would try to ask his/her forgiveness but if it fails, I don’t mind it either.”

Whether the reason is so intense or not, one must hope for the best result. If we think that the small mistake can be easily pardoned, why not the bigger mistake that possibly even harms us. The bottom principle here is “being optimistic.”

Self-forgiveness: Why can the other- someone forgive us while we cannot forgive ourselves for the mistake(s). Few months ago, I had one girl asked me about how she should do for what she did a shameful deed by mistake. And the only and best advice I could give to her was “Forgive yourself first, before you do anything.” Though she refused to tell me what exactly was the mistake, but two days later, she came back and said that she was able to move on.

Be strategist: One may ask why making strategy is necessary? The answer is, though we cannot follow all in detail as we encounter as planned, but the well planned will overarch the process of our conversation in relation to asking for the forgiveness. If we don’t even know how to approach, what should we be forgiven for? One time, Dale Carnegie was asked about the secret of good public address, he promptly answer that the only secret is “preparation.” If it is so,

• First of all, think about what happened and what it is you are sorry for doing.
• Take a sheet of paper and jot down your apology; this will help you organize your thoughts and calm your nerves.
• Choose proper words and practice what you plan to say until you feel comfortable with it.
• Choose the right time to approach. Observe the moment when the other is in the mood.
• State clearly what it is you are sorry for doing?
• Acknowledge your actions without making excuses.
• Share your feelings about what happened - avoid blaming, exaggerating or saying empty words.
• Listen to the other person's response without getting defensive.
• Offer to make amends if appropriate.
• Move on. Once you've apologized, let it go.

These listed points should not be taken as a theory but an art. To be forgiven, you don't need to be rhetoric. Too much exaggerated words will not please the other. It can even arouse the anger of the other. Lastly mistakes that we commit must not be taken as negative as one might have thought, but it rather help and develop inter personal relationship between the two people.